Hi queens! In this blog post we will be discussing the importance of maximizing the season of life that you are in, while being in expectancy of the next season. Believe it or not, I still have more single friends than married friends, and a lot of my single girlfriends are soooooooooo ready for commitment and love that I think they forget that singleness is a gift too. So in this blog post I’m going to give you various ways to appreciate your single season even more, as you look forward to wifehood and motherhood if that is something you desire.
Know that singleness is a gift too
In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul expressed a preference for singleness, stating that he wished everyone could be like him, unmarried, as it allows for greater devotion to God without the distractions of marriage. He also acknowledges that not everyone has the gift of celibacy and encourages those who cannot control themselves to marry instead of burning with passion.
To all of my single queens, hear me when I say this, singleness is a gift just like marriage is. God would not make one more valuable than the other when they both can bring Him glory. Singleness is a gift for women of God because the purpose of it shines outward, and when you are single you are able to do more for others, your community, and your relationship with God. This is what Paul meant when he said that singleness allows for greater devotion to God. When you become a wife and mother, your purpose shifts from outward service to inward service, shifting the focus to your household, your husband, and your children.
I have been a wife and a mother for almost 4 years now. Although I will always have purpose and joy, it is different now. When I was single and dating my husband I volunteered at a children’s hospital 3 to 5 hours a week. I was competing in at least two pageants a month. I did staycations and took myself out to lunch on a bi-weekly basis. I was able to have consistent, uninterrupted devotions at any time in my day. Now that I have a family I am not as present out in my community being the Light of Christ. Now, I am the light of Christ by how I raise my child, how I honor my husband, and how I prioritize peace and joy in my home. And when my family and I step outside of our home, when my daughter goes to preschool, when my husband goes to work, when I go grocery shopping, we are able to take that light out into the world because of the Christ-like influence that I have over my home as a nurturer.
When you are single you have great influence to bring glory to the Kingdom through the work that you do outside of the home. When you are a family woman you have great influence to bring glory to the Kingdom through the work that you do in your home. Both of these are honorable. Both of them are gifts. They are just different types of work for different seasons of life, and how you appreciate and maximize one determines how you will flourish in the other.
Value your alone time
I’m alone but never lonely, that’s what I’ve come to realize. I’ve learned to love the quiet moments, the Sunday mornings of life.
This is a line from one of India Arie’s songs, Private Party. It encourages self-reflection and growth within moments of solitude, and how one should ultimately take those moments and turn them into a private party and celebration of womanhood.
You cannot appreciate the woman that you will be in the future and all of the things that you will have as a family woman if you don’t value who you are and what you have as a single woman, and the timeframe that comes with that. Having alone time in your home is valuable. Going to bed alone and safe is valuable. Being able to run errands and make plans without having to think of anyone else’s schedule is valuable. Understand and appreciate your alone time, because once you become a family woman you are sharing your time, and moments of alone time can be rare.
I don’t recall the last time I was in my home by myself for an entire day without my husband and daughter. And I’m okay with that, because when I was single I valued my alone time. I soaked up those moments and made memories with myself. I viewed that time as being alone but not lonely, and I leaned into solo activities that made me happy and offered personal development and growth. The last thing you want to do as a single woman is rush into wifehood and motherhood without understanding how time shifts between those two seasons of life. All it will do is make you resentful of your family because you did not see the positive side of your time as a single woman. Value your alone time as a single woman so that you have the ability to use your time wisely as a family woman, and can see the value in sharing your time with your family.
Don’t wait for a man to experience life
Buy the home. Take the vacation. Get the degree. Do that adventurous thing. Start the business. Accept the job. Yes, teamwork makes the dream work, and yes two are better than one. Yes, marriage should elevate your life, and yes, it is great to have a forever partner to do life with. But married or not, you are still blessed, you can still do great things in this life, and abundance is still yours. Do not allow your relationship status to determine your accomplishments or experiences in life. Accomplish and experience the things that you feel called to. The right man will meet you there and y’all will add to one another.
Buy the home because the realtor, contractor, or property developer could be your husband and there may be real estate investments in your future, and your future children could have multiple properties by their first birthday. Take the vacation because you may meet your husband overseas, earn dual citizenship, and have children that are bilingual. Get the degree because you may meet your husband in school and go on to set the standard of higher education for your children and grandchildren. Go visit the coral reef, go skydiving because you may meet your husband doing it, and form a lifelong bond over a hobby that you can enjoy together for the rest of your lives. Start the business because your husband may be a customer who sees the vision, supports the purpose, and will always mention you in rooms that you are not in. Accept the job and move to the new town, because you may meet your husband there.
Don’t wait until you have a man to do things, because the right man will always find you in the midst of you doing things attached to your purpose; when you are already shining your brightest, when you are already working towards your goals, when you are already being the queen you are.
Don’t be bitter
If all of your friends are getting engaged and you still don’t even have a man, be happy for them. If you’re surrounded by pregnancy announcements and you are just a plant mom, be happy for your pregnant friends. If your friend just bought a house and you are late on your rent, be happy for your friend. There is enough happiness in the world to go around, and I truly think a determining factor for the amount of happy moments you have in life is how many happy moments you can amplify for others. You can still wish someone the best in their celebratory season even if you don’t have anything big to celebrate at the moment. Being happy for someone and genuinely wishing them well does not take anything away from you, and it does not make your life worse if you are already in a tough spot. As women we have to be mature enough to remove bitterness and jealousy, so that we can understand that a blessing is still a blessing even if it’s not directly ours. If anything, it should encourage us that God is still working and that our time is coming.
Happiness is subjective
Comparison will steal your joy and assumptions will make you look dumb. What makes one woman happy in her marriage may be subpar for another. Happiness, especially in a lifelong commitment is a case by case basis. Just because someone looks happier than you does not mean that you would be happier in her position. Social media and entertainment will have you overlooking things that really matter like character, upbringing, compatibility, and personality when you are daydreaming of another woman’s life.These are the very things that set us apart and allow us to curate lives that we like. That woman is happy because she has things in her life that make her happy. Her hobbies, her husband, her children, her stanley cups in her favorite color, her pilates membership, and her daily investment into her life.
Instead of wishing for what she has, understand that even if you had it you still wouldn’t be happy like her because y’all are two different women. You don’t want what she has, you want the joy and happiness that it brings her. Happiness and the journey to it looks different for all of us. You may covet where another woman is, how she lives, or what she has, but you don’t know what it took for her to get there and keep it, and if that’s something you would want to subject yourself to. So instead of being envious, focus on the things in your life that do make you happy and how you can build upon those things and continue to curate a joy-filled life. You have the power to remove things from your life that don’t make you happy, continue to add things that do, and change things around to be happier. The goal is to see another woman and know that you both are happy, not to think that one is happier than the other.
Work on you
Are you petty? Do you struggle with vanity? Do you have a tough time sticking to your standards and following through? Do you struggle with commitment? Do you struggle with work-life balance? Is it hard for you to be a team player? Do you need to work on your communication style? Now no one is perfect, but being single is the perfect time to improve upon your flaws, especially the ones that would be amplified in wifehood and motherhood. Being named the petty queen may be entertaining, but it will do nothing for you in your marriage if you always have to have the last word. How do you expect to teach your daughter about value, self-worth, and natural and inner beauty if you are always looking for physical validation? I would imagine by now you get my point. Maximize your single season by improving your character as much as you can. Thinking about how your character flaws could be a detriment to your future household and family will motivate you to do the inner work to improve. There is no need to put off self-improvement for later that you could be doing now. Your future self, spouse, and children will thank you for it.
I hope these tips helped you see the value of singleness and I hope that you take the value into wifehood and motherhood. If you would like to watch the corresponding YouTube video to this blog post click the link below!
