Hi queens! In this blog post we will be discussing how you can move forward and heal from those raw emotions after a break up. I’m sure we all know this feeling, and it’s hard to leave a relationship that you either wanted to stay in or are unsure about what your life will look like without it. Although I am happily married now and living my best mom life, I have had my share of hard and emotional breakups, specifically in my undergraduate era. Before I met my husband, I had to accept that singleness was a gift too and that my romantic relationships are only a piece of my life. Let’s dive into the tips that helped me continue to live my life after breakups, and ultimately live happily ever after.
Their opinion is not law
Although the opinion of your ex may be important to you, it is just that, an opinion. In their opinion you are not the best girlfriend. In their opinion someone else may be a better fit for them. In their opinion, being in a long distance relationship with you is not worth it. The list can go on and on. But understand that men are allowed to have their opinion, and a lesser opinion of you in one man’s eye will turn into an admirable fact in another man’s eye. The young men that I dated before my husband were never (in my opinion) fully supportive of my pageant career. They thought that it was childish and not worth the investment. But my husband is so proud of all that I have accomplished in pageantry and all of my ambitious endeavors that are rooted in pageantry. He was an amazing pageant boyfriend and is now an amazing pageant husband. Let people have their opinion of you and remove themselves from your life because of it, because it will just make room for the people who have amazing opinions about you and will love you to the best of their ability because of them.
Own your part in the breakup
As much as we would like to think that 99% of breakups are not our fault, we do have to own our part. Maybe we work too much, maybe we are not attentive enough, maybe we are too dependent, maybe our expectations were too high for that particular person, etc. None of these things are necessarily wrong, but they can be a wrong fit depending on who you’re with. As women, it is important for us to reflect on our romantic relationships to determine where the poor fit was and the part that we played in it. Sometimes this reflection leads to self-improvement, and sometimes it’s just a matter of seeking out a more compatible man.
Get a hobby
Replace the time you spent with your ex with a new hobby. Fill your time by learning something new and doing projects that take time. Read more, garden, sew, paint, add more services to your business, go back to school, get another certification, put more time into a current project or goal, etc. The easiest way to get over somebody is not to get under someone new, it is to spend more time with yourself through hobbies and projects. When you dive into passion projects and goals after a breakup you are not only gaining additional skills, but you are also learning how to be by yourself and seeing the benefits of singleness. This is a season that you will appreciate and look back on fondly when you do become a wife and mother.
Feel the feelings but do not wallow
After a breakup it is ok to cry and stay in bed for a few days, watch romcoms, eat your heart out, and burn those t-shirts and photos. But don’t stay there too long. Feel your feelings and let them go. Staying in the past extends the time it will take for you to get to the great things and people in your future. Give yourself a timeframe between a weekend and a week to wallow, and then get back to living girlfriend. Of course you will have moments where you are reminded of your ex or a moment you shared, but let it be just that, a moment.
Affirm yourself and stick to your boundaries
When you’ve gone through a breakup it is important to encourage yourself and not question your value. Rejection can cause you to reconsider your standards and desires, and will have you asking yourself are you really as pretty, smart, loving, kind, and valuable as you think you are. Let me go ahead and remind you that you are! Going back to opinions, just because one man did not see your value does not mean that the value is not there. Man’s rejection is God’s protection. Don’t allow rejection and breakups to cause you to settle. Post break up is a very vulnerable time so you need to constantly remind yourself that you are that girl! Create a list of affirmations for yourself and recite them everyday. Pray for your confidence and self-worth. Stick to your boundaries and keep your standards even if they were an issue in your past relationships, because the right man will respect your boundaries and exceed your standards.
Seek comfort in good girlfriends
Good girlfriends are so valuable! When you are vulnerable after a breakup, good girlfriends encourage you, love on you, and they ease the hurt. This is the time to ask for their support and to spend some extra time together. Good girlfriends are some of the people that know you best, and in addition to encouraging you and helping you feel better they can also help you reflect on your relationship choices. Maybe they noticed something that you missed or compromised on. Maybe it would help you feel better to vent and talk about how you want to move forward in your love life and ask for advice. Good girlfriends are there for each other in good times and bad times. Good girlfriends want to see each other happy and treated well romantically, and in order for that to be done we have to support and affirm one another.
Don’t hold grudges
Bitterness and pettiness age you, so don’t give into them. I know this is easier said than done when you’ve been betrayed, hurt, or embarrassed, but holding grudges only hurts you more. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and it is not our responsibility to distribute what we feel is good get back. Holding grudges and wishing ill on anyone keeps you stuck in your past, and causes you to overlook the importance of forgiveness. It is also a telling sign of your maturity or lack thereof. So no matter how wrong a man has done you, move on, establish boundaries, and don’t hold grudges. Trust and believe that all things work out for your good, and hope that lessons are learned and applied for all parties.
Trust God with your love life too
We tend to surrender every part of our lives to God except our love lives. Post breakup is the perfect time to reset and realign your desires with God. Love and romance are not exempt from the provision and abundance that we are promised, and once we know that we have to apply the belief with trust. We have to trust that God will bless our love life in the same way that He blesses all the other areas of our lives. Pray about dating, tell God what you want in a man, ask Him what he thinks, and don’t try to control it. God often exceeds our expectations and He will do it in our love life too if we let Him.
I hope these tips encourage you and that they give you the push you need to reset and thrive after a breakup. If you would like to watch the corresponding YouTube videos to this blog post click the link below!
Leave a Reply