Hi queens! In this blog post we will be discussing the difference between dating and courting, and the boundaries that I think are appropriate for them. In this day and age of dating and the desire that most young women have to be wives and mothers, I think it is important for us to have a candid, girl chat on the routes that can get us to those destinations.
Let’s go ahead and create some clear definitions and boundaries. My definition of dating is when you are dating a man or a few men, you are spending time with him and making small investments to see if he could be the person that you spend the rest of your life with. You are getting to know him in romantic and casual settings. You are figuring out the type of person he is, his character, how family-oriented he is, if he wants to have a family, if he is okay with being the breadwinner, if he is agreeable to you being a stay-at-home mom and for how long. You are learning about his values, his decision-making process, how he acts under pressure, how quick his temper is, how he cares for and protects you in public and in private, etc. All of these are things that you can gauge while dating a man, and in the process you will learn what your personal boundaries and deal breakers are, your expectations, and what you are willing to compromise on. When you are compromising in love, and you will have to at some point because love is give and take, the good should always outweigh the bad by the majority.
My definition of courting is when you have dated a man for a period of time and y’all have moved into an exclusive relationship, and have come to know that y’all are compatible in friendship and marriage. Not only have you discovered that you are compatible and love one another, but you are turning these feelings into actions, and working your way towards marriage in a timeframe that you are both agreeable to. The difference between dating and courting in my opinion, is that courting comes with intention, commitment, and planning that is expressed to your partner and your community of loved ones that will be showering you with love and supporting you in your marriage. When a man is dating you he is trying to figure out if you are his wife. When a man is courting you he already knows that you are his wife and is now putting things in motion to give you the title in a legal and societal fashion.
Now the gray area within this that’s in the back of all of our minds is when is it appropriate to be intimate with a man within this world of romantic discovery. Is it okay when we become exclusive? Is it okay once he proposes? Should I just follow my emotions and give it up when I want to? I am always going to be transparent with y’all. My husband and I did not wait until marriage and we were not each other’s firsts. But I do believe that once you know better you should do better, and I will always encourage you to follow the word of God to the best of your ability, and to lean on Him for strength when dealing with physical temptation. Now that I am married I understand why God wants us to save intimacy for marriage. It is powerful and beautiful and should only be shared after the lifelong commitment has been made. I also believe in repentance, and believe that God is still able to bless a marriage of such a situation, because I know that he has blessed mine.
No matter where you are in your love life I want to leave you with these keys;
Pay attention, sis. Every action and everything that man says is an indication of the type of husband and father that he will be.
Figure out your boundaries, expectations, and what you can tolerate and stick with it. Know yourself so you don’t play yourself.
Keep God in your love life at all times. We often pray for a man then God gives us one, and we push God to the side. But having a man is the time for us to especially be on our faces in prayer. We have to continuously pray over our relationships and seek guidance from the Lord.
If you would like to watch the corresponding YouTube video to this blog post click the link below!
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