Hi queens! In this blog post we will be discussing the unwritten rules and seemingly judgmental attitudes in mrs. pageantry when contestants compete pregnant and/or postpartum. Hannah Neeleman, Mrs. American 2023 is a perfect centerpoint for this topic, as she competed at the Mrs. World International Competition two weeks postpartum with her eighth child.
Pageant culture has many unspoken rules and preferences. For mrs. pageantry, it has always been preferred that contestants not compete pregnant or postpartum. Now the reasons could vary, there are always things like liability, health, and convenience to consider because pageantry is still a business, but in my personal opinion, the mrs. division of pageantry is a division that allows married women to compete. A lot of married women are also mothers. Should we not be embracing every element of being a family woman, and supporting the women who hold the titles of queen, wife, and mother?
In the past couple of years we have seen more and more mrs. contestants and titleholders defying these unwritten rules and judgments by competing pregnant, competing 6 weeks postpartum, sharing behind the scenes of pumping backstage, breastfeeding while in hair and makeup, etc. During Hannah’s reign she received a lot of criticism for competing at an international pageant two weeks postpartum because some believe that she set unrealistic expectations for moms, that she should have been more concerned about her health and healing, and that the pageant should have been low priority for her and the decision to compete was selfish.
I disagree with those criticisms and would argue that a lot of them do not apply to Hannah simply for the fact that she was already a mother of seven, most likely knows her body extremely well by now, and most likely has an established support system in place. Now, I won’t lie. When the information was released shortly after Hannah’s crowning as Mrs. American that she was pregnant and that her due date and the international competition were very close together, I was curious as to how she would do it, physically and logistically, and even moreso interested in the medical access she would have 2 weeks postpartum at an international competition in the event that it was needed. Even though she has had many full-term, and I’m assuming healthy pregnancies, every pregnancy and every baby is different. Anything can happen and it is always good to be prepared.
I like to believe that the criticisms expressed are coming from a place of genuine concern, but I also want to emphasize the importance of just waiting, seeing and asking for insight. Oftentimes when we are highly curious about something we become overly critical. Instead of humbling ourselves and asking someone to inform us, we criticize because we don’t know how someone else could be doing something we are not. Instead of criticizing Hannah for her decisions and on her health, family, and goals women could have asked for insight in a way that benefits mothers overall. When we change the tone from critical to curious we can all learn from one another. Imagine how different the narrative would have been if questions were asked in a genuine tone of care and curiosity…
“I am very curious to know the plan for your eight children while you are competing! Will this be like a family vacation where everyone tags along or will you have trusted loved ones caring for the children?”
“What physical postpartum care are you implementing into pageant week? I would love to know how you plan to manage lactation and down there care while competing on an international level.”
“The logistics of competing as a wife and mother of eight seem overwhelming! I would love to know how you stay organized and the travel arrangements surrounding this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
“I would love to know more about your confidence and medical assurance surrounding competing in a pageant two weeks postpartum. What preparation and discussions did you have with your medical team to be able to get to this point?”
“Support systems are so important to moms, and I would imagine that yours is vital being that you have such a large family. I would love to know more about the curated support for this special moment in your life, and the role your support system plays in daily life.”
Although people were expressing concerns for Hannah’s health and her well-being, I think our concern for others often stems from our own experiences and projections. I personally can’t see myself doing anything two weeks postpartum beyond enjoying my family’s new addition, but that does not mean that I have set those limitations on other women. There are also many factors in our lives that influence our decision making. For example, both Hannah and I are wives and mothers. She is a white woman, I am a black woman. She lives in Utah. I live in Georgia. From a maternity standpoint alone, those differences present two very different cultures in life and in medicine, which can lead to very different processes of decision-making.
Black women are three times more likely to die in childbirth than any other race of women. The state of Georgia has one of the highest c-section rates in the country while the state of Utah has one of the lowest. There is no way that I, as a southern black woman, would have made the decision that Hannah made to compete at an international competition two weeks postpartum because the statistics, medical access, and confidence in healthcare are not in my favor to do so. But there is also something to be said about supporting women who are confident enough in their demographics to make such decisions.
Now I don’t think that what Hannah has done is a standard that moms should aspire to, but I do think it is worth admiring. We are all different and multifaceted. Every mother, baby, pregnancy, postpartum season, and motherhood journey is different. What you see one mom doing that you may think is the epitome of a snapback or rocking motherhood, may not be what works in your life and that is okay.
All in all, when women put in the time, effort, money, and detailed planning to achieve a goal we should not be telling them to stop. We should not be telling them that they are being extra and unnecessary for going above and beyond in what they want to achieve. If anything, we should be asking them what we can do to help. We should be asking what kind of support they need and evaluating if we can offer that support or connect them to someone who can.
Pageant systems and the public are constantly saying that they want women who will be contestants and titleholders that will go above and beyond. They want ambitious women that will go for it all. And when women do exactly this there is a constant criticism of selfishness and unrealistic expectations that follows. We have to demand more from society by continuing to be multifaceted achievers. We have to be more open-minded and supportive of each other as women, and not overly criticize one another. When women make the decision to work towards a goal we are stepping further into our purpose, and that is something that should always be supported.
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