Hi queens! In this blog post we are going to have a heartfelt conversation about the cultural pressures of aging out of pageantry. Now that the Miss Universe Organization has lifted rules regarding age, martial, and parental statuses, this topic may not be as heavy, but it is still present.
My husband proposed to me when we were 26 years old, in 2020. I still had about a year and a half left to compete in the Miss USA Organization, which was the system that I was competing in at the time. I had recently placed third runner up at arguably the most competitive prelim in the state of Georgia and I was feeling at my pageant prime. My plan was to compete again with the hopes of winning, gain sponsorships, work hard, and become Miss Georgia USA within the next year. Leading up to our engagement my then fiance, now husband and I had many conversations about where pageantry would fit into my life as I got older and would become a wife and mom. He was all for me competing in mrs. pageants, and actually liked the idea of them more because of the singular prerequisite.
I however, felt that I was being ripped in half and embraced at the same time. I felt that I was so close to a goal that I had been working towards since I was 15 years old, and that what was such a big part of my life for so long was going to pass me by. I felt that I needed to use the time that I had left to compete as a miss. I felt ashamed that I had not achieved a reputable state title before becoming a wife. I felt that competing in a mrs. pageant would not compare or deliver the same experience or notoriety as a miss pageant. Mrs. pageants are not giving away cars, scholarships, and worldwide appearances in their prize packages the way that miss pageants do. Although they are gaining popularity, mrs. pageants are not as popular as miss pageants. I wanted to compete in a division that was worth the notoriety and investment, and I did not see that in mrs. pageants at the time. I did not want to start over. I did not want to relearn the culture of a new division when I already had so much experience in the division that I was in. Women that compete in and win mrs. pageants are extremely established in life, and I was newly engaged. I did not want to wait to build up to that type of value. I’ve known girls that have hidden their engagements, postponed weddings, etc., all for the sake of using all of their time as a miss. I did not understand why my husband was against this for me.
But this made him feel that our life together was not a priority. We knew we wanted to start a family as quickly as possible, we knew we wanted to be married, and he did not understand why I wanted to delay that for pageantry, especially because Mrs. pageants do exist. Where I saw my pageant career ending, my husband saw a transition and opportunity to grow. The history of pageantry includes young women putting their lives on hold to achieve dreams and goals. And although I believe in hard work I also believe in balance, and thinking critically about how your dreams and goals and the time required to achieve them impacts your loved ones and those that are doing their due diligence to have a permanent, loving place in your life. And although women are presented with this question more than men, it is a question both genders must face.
At the end of the day my husband was right. Becoming a family woman was more important to me than a title, and there was still time for me to earn it, just in a new division. I would not know if mrs. pageants were for me until I did one, and that was all he asked me do, was to simply try it. His school of thought was that if I truly loved pageantry, that I would still love competing as a mrs. And he was correct again. After getting married in April of 2021 and having our daughter that November, I competed in my first mrs. pageant 8 months postpartum as Mrs. Georgia All-Star United States 2022 and placed second runner up at nationals!
And y’all, the kicker is that I had such an amazing and stress free experience! Now I am all for mrs. pageants and I hope that they continue to level up. I truly think competing as a wife and mom and just having more life wisdom and experience truly made the difference. Now that I have competed both as a miss and mrs.I have noticed that women who compete in the mrs. division know that there is more to life than pageantry. They understand and truly believe that they will still have a good life if they don’t win the pageant. It is incredibly refreshing and immediately eliminates the majority of the stress that comes with competing and the desire to win. As someone who had competed as a miss for so long this perspective and energy was completely unexpected, but it makes sense. The women that I was competing with were wives and mothers who had so much life experience in the areas of family, failure, success, career, friendship, motherhood, etc. I myself was a new wife and mom. I think that when you’ve experienced enough life and life changing moments that it really helps you prioritize the things in your life and the things that you allow to stress you out. And I think with time and experience that we all get to a point where other things become more important than pageantry, and we don’t allow the logistics and politics of winning to take over our lives. We become women who want the title, but don’t need the title.
This is the transformation that my husband’s encouragement and perspective, and my own experiences allowed me to have. Becoming a family woman and deciding to move forward in life showed me that yes, I still do love pageantry and it is still a very big part of my life but it is not the only thing in my life that brings value. And this is something that I was only able to discover by allowing pageantry to take a back seat and my life for a while. It taught me that what is meant to be in your life will always come back, even if you have to let it go for a while. Funny enough, while I was preparing for my first mrs. pageant I was able to book more appearances, raise more money, and have an overall smoother experience than I ever did competing as a miss. This may sound sexist and is very much so based on my individual experience, but I felt more respected competing as a mrs. than a miss. Maybe It was because I was at a place in my life where I was more confident and more intentional, maybe competing as a mrs. is just a better route for me (and to think that I was so against it in the beginning), who knows? And what is even more hilarious about this is that only a year later the Miss Universe Organization lifts the rules on age, marital and parental statuses, giving me and so many other women the opportunity to compete again. What I was holding on to for dear life made its way back to me when I let go and refocused.
I share this story to encourage you and give you perspective. Pageant girl or not, if you feel like opportunities are passing you by because of your age or the season of life that you are in, release the opportunity and move forward with your life. The blessings that God has for us will not pass us by, and if something is for you it will circle back. I believe this with my heart and soul now. As I’m writing this as a 30-year-old wife and mom, so many opportunities that I wanted as a single girl have circled back for me to pursue as a more experienced woman who is in a better position financially, emotionally, and more confident to pursue them 1000%.
Society wants women to believe that we are too old for certain things or that once we become family women we are unable to do certain things. I counter by saying that like wine, we get better with time, and when women have great support systems behind us, we can do and be anything. I hope this post encourages you to trust your blessings and believe that your life is blessed no matter what. If you would like to watch the corresponding YouTube video to this blog post click the link below!
